Zoo Breath Read online

  I rolled back and looked up at Spidey in his web in the corner of the ceiling. He hadn’t moved in weeks. Outside, the bufos down by the river started acting up. The noise they made was really loud. But I liked it. A mosquito sang in my ear and I batted it away. That was a sound I hated.

  “Ah, man!” Julio made choking sounds.

  “Ack! Ack!”

  I looked down over the edge of the bunk. “What?”

  His face was covered by his pillow. “Your dog wen’ fut!”

  I caught a whiff and rolled back onto my bed, cracking up. Julio was right down there in the thick of it.

  He kicked the bottom of my bunk hard. “Not funny!”

  I flew up an inch, still laughing.

  “Blech! That is so bad!”

  “Hey, catch that in the jar. It can be a prop.”

  Julio popped up, grabbed the jar on my desk, and took the lid off.

  “That was a joke,” I said.

  “No, it’s a good idea. How you catch a fut?”

  I looked down. “Well, go right down by Streak’s okole and scoop it up, quick before you breathe it all in.”

  Julio captured some stink air, clamped the lid down, and jumped back in bed. “Got it!”

  “Right on, brah,” I said. “Right on!”

  He kicked my bunk again.

  Awhile later, I heard Ledward outside. His jeep was parked on the grass near my window. I’d turned out the light, but me and Julio weren’t asleep. We’d been talking about sneaking out and rowing my skiff up the river in the dark.

  “Boy,” Ledward called through the screen. “You sleeping?”

  I rolled onto my elbows and looked out the window. “No.”

  “Your friend in there with you?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Good, good.”

  He stood just outside the window. “You okay?”

  “Well … sure … why wouldn’t I be?”

  “I just thought … well, you had that phone call. You looked little bit down.”

  The bufos were getting quieter now, heading deeper into the night. I rolled onto my back, looking up at the dark ceiling. “I’m fine,” I said.

  “Good. But listen … you ever need to talk about anything, you come see me, okay?”

  What did he mean? Talk about what?

  “So,” Ledward said. “You boys have a good night.”

  I listened to the jeep rumble away until there was no sound but the whisper of bufos hopping in the grass down by the water.

  “Hey,” Julio said.

  “Yeah?”

  “What’s more worse, dog breath or dog fut?”

  Disgusting

  I woke up the next morning and peeked at my clock on the windowsill. Just after noon. Still early, I thought, stretching. But I didn’t want to waste the day.

  I slid down from my bunk and shook Julio. “Hey.”

  He groaned. His pillow was over his head to block the light.

  Streak was curled by his feet. She raised her head.

  “Julio, get up.”

  He mumbled something I couldn’t understand.

  “Come on. We got an experiment to do.”

  He lifted the pillow off his face. “We do?”

  “Yeah, remember? It was your idea: find out what’s worse, dog breath or dog fut.”

  Julio dropped the pillow back on his face. “Gotta be kidding.”

  “Get up! We need stuff for our project.”

  “All right, all right.” He sat up and rubbed his face. Streak jumped up and licked him.

  He shoved her away. “Git, you pest.”

  “Smell her breath,” I said. “See if it’s worse. Go. Smell it now.”

  “Not before breakfast.”

  “Look,” I said, scratching Streak’s chin. “You hurt her feelings.”

  “Pssh.”

  Stella was at the kitchen sink, gargling with her back to us. A bottle of blue mouthwash sat on the counter. She jumped when we barged in, catching her doing something she should have been doing in the bathroom.

  She turned the water on and spat into the sink. “Where do you get off, sneaking up on people like that?”

  “We didn’t sneak up,” I said. “We just came in the kitchen.”

  Julio stood behind me. He was scared of her.

  “Where’s Mom?” I said.

  “What am I, your personal answering machine?”

  “All I did was ask.”

  “Well, don’t,” she said on her way out of the kitchen.

  I opened the fridge and grabbed the milk, then got a box of Frosted Mini-Wheats and two bowls.

  Julio started breathing again. “Man, is she always that friendly in the morning?”

  “Now you know what I have to live with.”

  We ate Mini-Wheats at the counter by the window. The sun was so bright outside it made me squint.

  When we were done we went out through the garage. Streak jumped up and followed us. I tossed her a couple Mini-Wheats, then dropped a scoop of dry dog food in her food dish and filled up her water bowl, which was bone dry.

  Streak dug in, looking up at us as she crunched.

  “Okay,” I said to Julio. “You ready for the experiment?”

  “Nope.”

  “Good. Let’s get that jar.”

  We had a serious project going on here. We needed to do some detecting.

  I got the jar. “So, who’s going to do it?”

  “It’s your dog.”

  I was hoping he wouldn’t say that. “Fine. You take notes.”

  “I take um in my mind.”

  “You got a mind?”

  We crouched on the grass. Streak sat between us.

  I set the jar down. I couldn’t help wondering what it smelled like inside. I half laughed. This was really dumb.

  I looked at the jar. Looked at Streak. Shook my head. “Can’t do it.”

  “Come on, Calvin. It’s research, remember? Do it for Mr. Purdy.”

  I picked up the jar. Put my hand on the lid. This was too disgusting. Even for me.

  I set the jar back on the grass and looked at Julio.

  “Not me,” he said. “No way.”

  Streak ran off to nose around in the grass down by the river.

  The sun burned through my T-shirt.

  I looked up and saw Stella pass through the living room in the big front window.

  Stella, who could make my dog go away by complaining to Mom.

  And what was I doing about it?

  Catching stinks in a jar.

  Lips

  There had to be a solution for Streak.

  So, what was the problem? Fixing her breath.

  But really, the problem wasn’t Streak. It was Mom and Stella, who couldn’t tell the difference between a regular stink and a good one.

  Just then, my first good thought popped into my head. “Forget that jar,” I said. “Streak! Come here, girl!”

  She came running.

  I put my arm around her. She was sun-warm.

  “I got it, Julio! Ho, yeah! You know how Stella was in the kitchen gargling? We can give some of that stuff to Streak.”

  Julio laughed. “This I got to see! Coco-clown and his gargling dog.”

  “Well, maybe she just laps it up.”

  Julio shook his head. “You getting desperate, my friend.”

  “Wait,” I said. “Be right back.”

  I ran into the house and grabbed one of the cereal bowls Julio and I had used. I poured some of Stella’s blue mouthwash into it. It smelled good. If this worked Streak would have breath that smelled just like Stella’s, and how could she complain about that?

  Genius!

  I ran back out and set the bowl on the grass. I grinned. Wouldn’t it be funny if Streak really could gargle? But wait. What if she just drank it up? Would it hurt her? Naah. It’d only be a sip.

  Streak headed right for it. I grabbed her. “Hang on, girl. First Julio has to test your breath so we can see if this makes it
better.”

  Julio grinned. “Nice try.”

  “Fine.” I faked a scowl. “Streak. Open up.”

  I put my face close to hers. She licked my nose. Streak just smelled like a dog. I didn’t know what Mom and Stella were complaining about.

  “Stink?” Julio asked.

  “Little bit fishy, but … no.”

  “Huh.”

  “You try,” I said. “Just to be sure.”

  He hesitated, then leaned in. “Yack!” he spat, wiping his lips when Streak licked them.

  “So?” I asked.

  “That was sick.”

  Streak, meanwhile, lapped up the mouthwash.

  “Hey!” I pulled her away.

  Streak worked her mouth, like she had something stuck to her tongue.

  “I don’t think she liked it.”

  “Check her now,” Julio said.

  I did. She’d never smelled so good.

  “WHAT are you DOING?” someone snapped.

  I jumped and fell back.

  Stella hovered over us, looking down with her hands on her hips. “Did you just smell that dog’s breath?”

  I shook my head. “No.”

  Stella grinned. “Did you kiss her?”

  “NO!”

  Stella threw her head back and laughed. She headed into the house, singing, “Calvin kissed her on the lips, now the dog is gonna get sick! Calvin kissed her on the—”

  “STOP!”

  The screen door slapped shut. I could hear her cackling, even in the house.

  Darci ran to the window like, What’s going on out there?

  Mom called from the garage. “Calvin!”

  I turned. “Yeah, Mom?”

  “Could you come here a minute? There’s something dead.”

  Something Dead

  I headed over to Mom, still angry at Stella.

  Mom put her hand on my shoulder. “A very bad smell drifted through my bedroom window all night long. Can you boys find out where it’s coming from and remove it?”

  “Sure, Mom.” I grabbed the shovel from the garage in case we had to bury something.

  Then I got an idea.

  “Hey, Mom, I bet Streak can find it. She has a nose for stuff.” The more good things I could say about Streak the better.

  “I believe that one hundred percent, Cal.”

  Me, Julio, and Streak set out with our noses and the shovel.

  I’d forgotten all about Stella until I saw her in the window making kissy faces at me.

  I held up the pooper scooper shovel blade and pretended to lick it.

  Her kissy face froze. “That is so disgusting!” she shouted, her voice muffled by the window.

  Julio tapped my arm. “Look. I think your dog found it.”

  Just outside Mom’s window a dead toad lay bloated and maggoty on the grass. Streak crept up to it.

  “No!” I said. “Come away from that.”

  Streak backed off.

  Julio pulled his T-shirt up over his nose. “I bet that’s what she rolled in. Man, that stinks.”

  I grunted and shoveled up the dead bufo. “Should we put it in a jar?”

  “Sheese, Calvin! Toss that thing.”

  I catapulted it into the bushes. “Boing.”

  “You prob’ly should have buried it,” Julio said. “Still going stink.”

  “Too late now. No way I’m going in those bushes looking for it.”

  Julio tapped my arm. “Check out who’s here.”

  I turned to see.

  Maya headed into the yard from the street. “Hey,” she said. “What are you doing?”

  “Scooping up dead stuff. What are you doing?”

  “Nothing. I’m bored.”

  Julio glanced up the street. “Where’s Shayla?”

  “Home, I guess.”

  I squinted at her. “Why were you spying on us?”

  Maya gave us a surprised, innocent look. “Spying?”

  “You and Shayla. Spying by the golf course. Spying in the bushes.”

  She glanced at the dog-doo bushes and frowned. “You must be thinking of someone else. Why would we spy on you? I can just walk up and see you anytime I want.”

  Julio scoffed. “We saw it was you.”

  Maya shook her head. “A case of mistaken identity.”

  This was going nowhere. “Okay, fine,” I said. “We know it was you, but forget it. What are you and Shayla working on for your research project?”

  Maya smiled. “Secret.”

  “Come on,” Julio said. “We won’t steal it.”

  “Tell me yours first.”

  I shook my head. “Can’t. Secret.”

  “Well, there you go,” Maya said.

  We looked at each other.

  “So,” Maya said.

  “So,” I said back.

  Julio stepped in. “So this: How come Shayla was over at your house? You like her now, or what?”

  Maya grinned. “She likes Calvin.”

  “Shuddup!” I said.

  Maya laughed. “She’s not so bad.”

  Julio’s jaw dropped. “Not so bad? Are you kidding? She’s snoopy. She’s annoying. She’s a pest.”

  “She’s kind of sad.”

  That jolted me. “Sad? Why?”

  Maya bunched her lips. “No brothers and sisters, no friends, really … and her dad just left to go live somewhere else for a while.”

  “How come?” Julio asked.

  Maya shrugged.

  I could understand the part about Shayla’s dad leaving. “Too bad,” I said.

  Julio nodded. “Well … she’s smart, I guess. Even if she is weird.”

  “She’s not weird,” Maya said. “And don’t talk about my research partner like that.”

  Julio put his hands up in surrender.

  Maya punched him in the gut. But not hard.

  “Hey!”

  “Sorry to break up such a fun time,” I said. “But me and Julio got our project to do.”

  “So what is it?”

  I smiled. “What’s yours?”

  Maya scoffed and headed away. Over her shoulder she said, “Whatever yours is, ours is better! In fact, if I was you two I wouldn’t even come to school on Tuesday!”

  “What does that mean?”

  She laughed, and jogged up the street.

  “I didn’t like the sound of that.”

  Streak barked once, then cocked her head.

  Julio snorted. “Streak didn’t like it, either.”

  Rare Air

  On Monday Mr. Tanaka (the rock star librarian who had musical instruments set up all over the school library) let me, Julio, Willy, and Rubin work on our projects during recess. We had things to look up, ideas to nail down. We hunched around a table.

  “You guys have any props?” Willy asked.

  I reached into my backpack, pulled out the jar, and held it up.

  “An empty jar?”

  I grinned at him and flicked my eyebrows. “It just looks empty.”

  Rubin frowned, squinting at the jar.

  I nudged Willy’s knee with mine. “What you guys doing? Still the manga books?”

  Willy nodded. “They’re kind of weird.”

  Rubin slouched in his chair, his leg bouncing. He lifted his chin at the jar on the table. “So what’s it for?”

  “This,” Julio said, tapping the lid with a finger, “is for what’s inside it.”

  Rubin frowned. “It’s empty.”

  “No, no, no,” Julio said. “Inside this jar is … rare air.”

  I laughed.

  Willy looked closer. “Really?”

  Julio picked up the jar and peered into it. “You can hardly get this kind of air, it’s so rare. It came from a special place.”

  “Pshh!” Rubin snorted.

  “No, really, Ruby. You want to smell it?”

  “Aw, man!” I said, screeching my chair back.

  Willy slapped my arm with the back of his hand and nodded toward Mr. Tana
ka, who was giving me squinty librarian stink eye.

  “Sure, I’ll smell it,” Rubin whispered, leaning close.

  Julio gave Rubin a grave face. “I don’t know, Ruby. If you smell it, it will go inside your lungs and we won’t get it back. Then what will me and Calvin do?”

  Rubin chewed on his thumbnail. “Well … can’t you just go get more where you got it from?”

  Julio nodded, as if considering that. “Sure … yeah, we could do that, right, Calvin?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know, Julio. It was a dangerous place. But sure. Let him smell it.”

  Julio put the jar close to Rubin’s nose. “You ready?”

  “Ready.”

  “Take a deep breath when I open it, because it’s going to fly out fast and you might miss it if you don’t suck it in quick.”

  “Yeah-yeah, let it loose.”

  Julio unscrewed the lid. “Now!”

  Julio lifted the lid away and Rubin took a huge breath, his nose nearly inside the jar.

  He sat back and considered it.

  Julio raised his eyebrows. “Well?”

  “Well what?” Rubin said, clearly disappointed. “It was just like regular air. But … kind of … swampy?”

  I burst out laughing.

  Mr. Tanaka tipped back in his chair and crossed his arms.

  I stopped laughing. Tried to, anyway.

  Mr. Tanaka shook his head and let the front legs of his chair drop back to the floor. “Knuckleheads,” he mumbled.

  Willy picked up the empty jar. “So what kind of air was it?”

  Julio looked from Rubin to Willy, Willy to Rubin.

  Building up the suspense.

  He leaned close. “Dog fut,” he said.

  Rubin squinted. Then he got it.

  “Ahhhh!” He grabbed his throat and ran outside to gulp in some fresh air. “You stupit!” he shouted.

  Me and Julio fell out of our chairs and rolled on the floor. So funny! Even Willy cracked up.

  Mr. Tanaka stood and pointed to the door.

  We gathered up our stuff and Rubin’s and headed out.

  “Bozos,” Mr. Tanaka mumbled as we filed by. But he was grinning. “Now I can say I’ve seen everything a school librarian can possibly see.”

  Julio flicked his eyebrows. “We got more if you—”